08-11-2010

It was all that I wanted
The only words you could say
But you took me for granted,
you didn't take me away.
      Every Night/Holding myself/I just wanted/one little thing/to hear you say/"You're so. . . "
I tried for you, so hard
Pretended that I cared
Every word glass and each look scarred
i don't want to be running scared
Anymore
Take me. . . .out of here
      Every Night/Holding myself/I just wanted/one tiny thing/to hear you say/"You're so. . . "
                            Press your lips to my wrist
                            Kisses sharp as razor's bliss
                            Your love is hurting me
                            Do you even care ?
Words will never hurt me unless left unsaid. Every Night/Holding myself/I only wanted/one thing. To hear you say
                   "You're so f*cking special to me."

Post 26:: Green Day, NaNoWriMo.

I thought I would start this off with some Christmas for you::

And here's how Green Day pranked AFI::

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that these are my two completely favorite bands in the world. When theyy toured together, I was more excited then you will ever be in your entire life. Guaranteed.
And I want to see American Idiot on Broadwayy, but the website for tickets is all like, we're too cool to have your tickets until September 30th, and we won't even tell you what price theyy are.
. . .  Jerks.

Also, I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year !! My novel is called 'The Thing About Angels", here's my NaNoWriMo page:: http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/672840
If you're doing NaNoWriMo, that'd be awesome add me as a writing buddy. [=
This was my novel last year::

"Synopsis: The End Of Your Rainbow

This summer vacation, Charlotte finally goes off to find the end of the rainbow and follow her dreams. But her imagination could be the death of her. . .

Excerpt: The End Of Your Rainbow

""I’m sitting on a tree branch, and I'm realizing that i don’t even know what kind of tree this is. It isn’t a maple, or an oak, or an elm, or any of those types of trees. The shape of the leaf looks like a six pointe star, and the bark isn’t rough at all. It’s smooth, like a birch’s bark, only it’s not all peely and weird. Plus the bark is light blue... the leaves are green, though. It’s like a throwback to the Real World, textures of everything here are weird, and they’re all the wrong color, and then finally something is normal and it seems weird to me. Maybe I am losing touch with the Real World..."""

Sadly, I never did finish that novel. I got up to 20,000-something words, and then I got too busy and I didn't have time, and when I did have time, I blew it off to talk to Aidan. . . I'm a fool, I know. But here's a link to what I have written thus far: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Nyvr4cXxmMsdZpSE0loA2B6tXGc6fgGY1sP2V8zMJ78/edit?hl=en_US
I don't know if I'm ever going to finish it. A lot of people have told me that they love it and that they want me to finish it, but. . I don't know.

My second-cousin VictorianAndroid made a wonderful point in her comment on my last post-- what if my face got paralyzed because of me piercing it ?. . . So I took it out, and I'll get it professionally pierced some other time. . . like in a few months, when I'm 18 and can get it anyway. :3
[also, I took it out because it hurt. .  .not just because of the face-paralyzing thing. O.o]]

One more thing before I go::Godly Song Of The Angels <---beautiful string arrangement of a beautiful song.

Post 25:: It's Like A Vlog Only Not Really.

So, first of all, TABLING WAS AWESOME. The bands all sucked. . Bring Me The Horizon, Parkway Drive, Iron Eye, and two other bands playyed, and theyy all sounded the same. Bring Me The Horizon was  s l i g h t l y  better than the other bands. . .
My favorite part of the concert was when the lead singer of Parkway Drive screamed, 'Where the f*ck is my circle pit ?!! WHERE THE F*CK IS MY GODDAMN CIRCLE PIT ?!!!!!" and then everyone formed a circle pit.
There was this one guy who was somewhere in his 30's that kept hitting on me. . and he was like, 'I'm just standing here because Iron Eye sucks and you're sexy" and I was like, 'yeahh, theyy do suck. . " And later he told me I was hot. And I went, 'I know," and he laughed and said, 'you get that a lot ?" and I honestly replied that yes, I did. And he nodded and said, 'well at least you don't try to downplay it." And then there was this guy who was about 19 or 20 and he kept passing by me to go outside and smoke between the sets, and every time he passed me, he would sayy hi, or wave, or give me spirit fingers. And the last time he passed me, he said, 'you're still cute as hell," and kept walking so I didn't have time to respond. After that, we were done with our tabling, so I bought a 'MEAT SUCKS" shirt and I got my dad, who had driven me, and we left.
This is my dad in the car::

This is me after tabling. The lighting makes me look hideous::

I bet you're all like, 'whyy would anyone hit on her ?!!" right now. But trust me .. it's the lighting. O.o


Anddd this is me in my new, amazing shirt. And gingerbreadman pajama pants. Wut.::

I KNOW IT'S SIDEWAYYS, I'M SORRY ALRIGHT ? I can't fix it. .. because Blogspot's photo editing thingy doesn't have a rotate button, and I'm too lazy to go around fixing things like pictures that are sideways.

Just rotate your head, alright ?

So that's pretty much all that's going on. . . OHH, and I pierced my own eyebrow. With a safety pin. Because I'm badass-slash-stupid.::

It looks kinda weird in that photo. . there's not really a strange lump there. Anywayy, my parents don't know I did it because lucky for me my hair covers it up. Completely. So yay. I hope it doesn't get infected or something. I can see that happening now. .  .The safety pin didn't get completely steralized, and the one little germ that was left on it decided to go and infect the piercing, soon the infection spreads to my eye and I go blind and my eyelashes start falling out, then my eye rots and slides out of the socket in a weird state of mushiness. . . . 

Anywayy. I'm going to my best friend Julia's house now. So I will talk to you later. . . I LOVE YOU ALL [unless I don't]]

If I could, I'd change it all, But I can do nothing on my own, We'll have to go through this alone.

She waited for months and she waited for years
She kept trying to  dispel the ever-growing fears
That maybe they were right, maybe they didn't belong
But she didn't want to believe it so she told herself they were wrong.

He wanted so badly to tell her the truth
He thought she deserved just that much.
But the skies rained down like poisonous touch
And she melted away from his grasp.

Eleven months later
And heaven is waiting
He wants to hate her
Emotions are trading
Emotions are invading
She wants him still
But he's too far to come back.

The icy nights framed by car headlights
Predictability lost it's top factor
Found my thoughts locked behind the back door
Wouldn't let them come in, and left them there.
Their jeering and their told-you-so's
Are just oh-so-much to handle
Opened my eyes and pretended not to see what was there
Your glassy face and your plastic stare
Tried so hard to fake it
Make you think you were worth it.
Took off your mask
And then you weren't worth shit.

Every single night she's waiting for his call
He's out with his friends and she's sick of it all
One message is all that she wants from him
She wishes that for once she could win
Their thoughts are like a one-sided game play
While she hits the ball, he runs away
They used to mean something
But now it's all nothing
Maybe they should end it. . . ?
Or should they befriend it ?
The awkwardness persists for the rest of the year.

"If I left you for her, would you still be here ?"

She said, "I'll always stay for you
I'd even run away with you
Please tell me if there's something I
Could do for you."

He told her "can you just leave my space ?
Get out of my life and away from my face
There's something you can do for me
And it's a small task for us both. .  ."

She took a knife and a note
And drowned on the West Coast

So confused for far too long. I could not let you go. What I thought was love classified as obsession. Look, I'm letting you go, just as you asked. And there you are, falling so fast. We both knew it would happen, but tender touches and tasteless poses kept us hanging on. You keep falling, spiraling, down. Stay beautiful. Stay beautiful. Eyes close and lips caress and fingers touch and you stay beautiful while you. . burn.

Post 24:: Bring Me The Horizon.

No, seriously. BRING IT TO ME.

So i really don't like that band. . I am not one to listen to talentless screaming.
but OMG I GOT THE THINGY.
I'M QUALIFIED
TO WORK THE PETA2 TABLE AT THE CONCERT ON THURSDAYY

MY GOD

I'M SO EXCITED

I THINK I JUST POOPED LIKE 800 RAINBOW KITTENS

GODDAMN !

Post 23:: VEGAN AND VEGETARIAN AND ANIMAL-RIGHTS ACTIVIST AND DAMN PROUD.

I'm a vegan for a whole crapload of reasons, and I have been vegetarian for a few years. At this point, if I ate meat, i would get really sick and throw up. I know this because, while I was in Portugal this Summer, I accidentally ate a piece of ham without realizing it. I started feeling really sick within three minutes of eating it, and I went to my hotel room and just laid down. Twenty minutes later I threw up, and then someone came over and told me that someone had accidentally dropped ham on my plate while i was getting something to drink. They'd tried getting it all off, but apparently had missed a piece.
Ohh, yeahh. APPARENTLY.
I don't know whyy theyy didn't just tell me that they'd dropped it in the first place. . But i digress.

I decided that I wanted to work the peta2 table at the Bring Me The Horizon show on the 15th, which is Thrusdayy. I am not much for talentless screaming, so I don't mind completely skipping the show to tell people about animal rights. I would totally love to work a peta2 table, as well, because it'll be the first time doing anything REAL and, you know, ORGANIZED, for peta2. So tomorrow between 9.00 and 17.00, I have to call someone from peta2 named Christina, and talk to her about stuff, because she 'would love to chat with me in more detail". D:

I HAVE PHONE-PHOBIA. Like, when I know people are going to be asking me questions on the phone, I always try to have the answers ready. . .and. . and. . . AHHHHHH.

But I will just tryy to calm myself down and be myself. I'm not one for telling people what they want to hear, I go with what I think and know and feel. So I hope I'm good enough to help run the table. . because that would be awesome.

FINGERS CROSSED, GUYS <3 !!!!




ALSO. If you are looking for vegan makeup at superbeautiful prices, check out Medusa's Makeup andE.L.F.
THEY'RE BOTH AMAZING . . and cheap.

Post 22:: Who's Next ?

ALAINA BEATON, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?

What happened to you. . ?!!::

I miss Porcelain and the Tramps. Porcelain Black, I'm like. . what the hell is this ? Alaina Beaton used to be so amazing. . she was my HERO. I lovelovelovedddd her. Not only do we share first names, but we're both from Detroit, and she used to be total SceneQueen. . honestly, Jeffree Star<Alaina Beaton. Listen to the girl::

. . . Yeahh. I know, right ?

Anyhow. Todayy is Labor Day ! So a lot of places were having sales. . .I didn't want to wait in line at any of the thrift stores though, because the lines were SO LONG. They were winding around the whole store. No joke. So I was like, 'ehhh, f**k this", and I scooted out to the mall. I bought some hair extensions, and new spiral gages. . . HappyHappy. I saw an awesome backpack that I wanted. . but I didn't have enough money. ]'= . . SADFACE.

Post 21:: I'm Dreaming Of A Dayy Far Away With No One To Sayy "I Love You And Wish You Were Here"

So, last January, I wrote a song on the piano for Aidan. . and I posted the video of me playing it [on the piano]] on Facebook so that he could hear it. And in the months since January, I had completely forgotten about it. And then todayy, someone 'liked" the video, and I'm listening to it right now. Even though I mess up a good eight or nine times, I'm still sitting here crying.
I would post the video for you guys to listen to it, but. . it really sucks, and I would rather not. . . . But I was thinking about Aidan the whole time. I didn't even really "write" the song. I literally sat down at the piano, closed my eyes, thought of him, and then started playing, and that's what happened. So I gave it lyrics and then I was done with it.

Anywayy, I swear I'm done. I'm done talking about him, and I'm done with him in general. I have a boyfriend, who is so nice to me and he's so sensitive and wonderful, and he listens to the most of the same music as I do, and he would never dream of dissing any of my music; not AFI, not anything. . and he's so nice and gentle and sweet.

. . . so whyy am I not happy. .

Post 20:: Baby Hamsterrr

Cutest thing EVER

Post 19:: --Where Were You Last Night ?

This song is amazing. I'm serious. It's stuck in my head like none other, and I can't for the life of me get it out of my head.  I love it with a passion. I love the whole band, actually.

I call and I call just to make things right,
Have I lost the fight ?
Where were you last night ?
I beg and I cry
I keep asking why,
Where were you last night ?


Amaranth is another of my favorite songs by them, as well as Over The Hills And Far Away. . . I sang that one for a talent show once. . . I sounded pretty good. Not as good as Tarja, OBVIOUSLY. I was like. . . a tiny fraction of her awesomeness.
No one can sing that song half as good as Tarja.
/eyes Annette//
. . ..  
/cough//
I'm not one of those people that's like, YAY TARJA ANNETTE SUCKS, I love Amaranth and Annette sings that song.. . . I love all of Nightwish's albums. Once is equally good as Dark Passion Play. I just like Tarja singing the songs that Tarja sings, and Annette singing the songs that Annette sings. That's all.


Enough about Nightwish. . . I still don't know what's going on with my life. 
Other than, FERRETS !!!!!!! You guys need to go to peta2.com, and click on the link to the Ferrets. If that's too much work for you, here's a short video that explains what's going on:: 

I honestly cried when I saw the ferret in the beginning of the video. CRIED. Not, you know, polite little delicate hiccups, but BIG, HEAVING SOBS. I was literally bawling by the end of the video. That one baby ferret in the beginning, who's struggling to move, and it's squeaking so piteously. . .that's horrible. What the hell is going on, guys ? Why is that ohkayy ? 
Not only do American accept the fact that millions of babies are being murdered, and actually fight to keep it legal, but they also abuse animals and say that it's completely fine. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS ?!!!!!!! That's not ohkayy. Do you hear me ? THAT IS NOT OHKAYY. America is so fucked up.. .  .It makes me sick. 


Another really good song, with Simone Simmons pictures ! 8D

Post 18:: Home Again, Home Again, F*ck With My Heart.

So I get home and this guy asks me out and then I sayy yes just because I miss Aidan so much and I thought maybe I just missed being in someone's arms, but that was not it at all. . I just miss being in Aidan's arms. Because I f*cking love him. And then some other stuff happend and I dumped the first guy and I started dating a different guy and now this person that I've sort of liked for awhile tells me that theyy like me. . . Gah !
I am not ready for this.
/NeedsADistractionFromLife//
Also, while i was gone, all my friends decided that it was time to become cross-dressers. .. .And I am quite alright with this.

It is 1.15, and I need to sleep, I think. My head and my heart are so messed up right now. I don't even know what's happening. I just know that I'm still in love with Aidan, and tryying to get over him. The person that just recently informed me of their likeage of me knows everything. . because I tell them so much, about my life. SO. MUCH. And they're willing to help me through everything and get over Aidan. So. . I'm panicking, because the guy I'm currently with is one of my best friends, and he's sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings at all, but. . I would rather be with this other person. . because . . because.

Gah.

LIFE, y u so complicated ?

Beautiful Song Here