Post 44:: Fuck You and Dishonor Upon Your Cow

You honestly don't even deserve a post.
But here we go, because no matter how much I say I don't care, we both know that I do.
I care a lot.
And you know I care, and you are manipulating me and using me.
Because you know what I want, and you know that it's you.
I know what you are doing.
I've known for a while.
But I've been too lovesick to stop.
And now I'm just sick.
I'm sick of you, and your stupid little games.
I'm sick of you breaking my heart, over and over.
I'm sick of feeling not good enough
worthless
left out
and unwanted.
I'm sick of your attitude towards me, because you thought I was always going to be there.
I was.
You know that ?
I was always going to be there for you.
But people change, kiddo.
People change and you're the only one who hasn't changed.
Once, I thought you had changed.
I thought, 'heyy. you weren't like this when I first met you".
But now ?
Now I realize that. . . yeahh. You were like this. You have always, always been like this.
You have just hid it from me, oh-so-well.
You say that my emotions are 'so last summer' ?
Darling. . . . I love you.
I do.
But you're getting older than last summer.

Post 43:: Updates And Shittttt

I figured I'd talk about a few different things today, seeing as I haven't posted in an eternity.
Firstly, I have successfully graduated from highschool.
You may all applaud wildly.
Last week, I was writing my thank-you notes for my graduation party, and there was someone on my list who none of us knew, but my dad had written down that she gave me a book. And she lived in Pennsylvania, so we were all really confused, but I didn’t want to leave anyone out, so i wrote Mrs. Maureen Detailer a thank you note for the graduation gift
And sent it
And today i realized
That she sent me a book
Because I ordered it
Used
From Amazon.com
And so now I feel slightly ridiculous.

Secondly, I've had a rather on and off relationship recently, that has been incredibly rough on me, but not on the boy that it is with, not at all. My heart feels like it's being shoved in a blender, because I know for a fact that he's not fucking worth it, but. . . . ahh, I just. . . I can't get over him.


Thirdly, I not only went to The Devil's Carnival original tour in Ohio, but I am now attending The Devil's Carnival encore tour, which is now coming to Jackson, Michigan. I am excited, not only for the movie and the night spent with my friend in a hotel, but for a nice roadtrip-ish experience again. I miss roadtrips. I wish i could go on a genuine roadtrip again before college starts, but. . . I don't see it happening. I would really, really love to go camping this August. Like. . . . really, really. And all of my friends have super exiting summer lives.
Lol.
I don't do anything.
I don't have a super exciting summer life.
I don't even have a summer life.
I've sat here and rewatched Arrested Development in anticipation of the movie, for the last week. That's what I've done. My great contribution to society.

I did have a job for awhile, at a supermarket. But they fired me. Because I didn't speak Arabic. Like, what. . . . I don't. . . whaaaa. . . 

anyway, that's all, kids. Some concerts coming up: Emilie Autumn, Nightwish, Kamelot, One-Eyed Doll, Otep. . .. yeahh, life is ok.

Still not sure if I'm going to the One-Eyed Doll/Otep concert, because it's an 18+ venue and my cousin Robin wouldn't be able to go and I'd feel super duper shitty if I went without her.