Post 39:: Just Some Depressing Stuff as per usual

Is it wrong to be jealous of someone's happiness ?
Especially if that person. . is your own boyfriend. . . .

Whenever I play League of Legends with him and his friends, theyy all get along really well and theyy joke around and theyy just. . I don't know.
Their happiness just pisses me off for some reason, because none of my friends play League of Legends with me, none of my friends do any of the slightly more nerdy things that I do, except for Robin. But she's a much lower level than I am, and for some reason I can't joke around with her about our games, I mean, I want to, but for some reason I can't. We do have our own jokes and stuff, but. . . gah. It's just. . . I don't know. It's not the same kind of joking.
I wish I could just hang out and play League with Aidan.
Goddammit I'm so fucking clingy I hate myself for it
But I really can't stop it
And i feel like if I ever hung out with Aidan and his friends in person, they would all hate me, and Aidan would think I was an idiot or something like that, because I'm outside of all of their jokes, and they disinclude me. Theyy don't mean to, I'm sure theyy don't. But theyy do. And i never know what to do or where to go and I don't want to be that one person who fed the other team and made us lose the game.

Also, I have this one really close friend and he lives an hour away from me, and i never get to see him and I miss him alot. And I feel like I'm being annoying as all hell when I bother him and ask him to hang out with me, I know he wants to spend more time with other people, and i know I'm too far away and he doesn't have a car, but. . . gah. I just feel like such a prick. i guess i will leave him alone more.

I'm pretty sure all of my friends hate me. Theyy never call me. Not one of them, ever. Julia has phone anxiety, so she's off the hook. She does invite me over alot, so yeahh. . but the others. . have no excuse.
And then I get the overspoken, 'Alaina, whyy haven't you called me lately ?"
ohh. . . is it my job to call you ?
i didn't know that.
Thanks for telling me, you pretentious asshat.

\sigh\\
Ohh
Wayne got my transcripts todayy
w00t.